Nagging The Slow Killer

Why does this common issue wreak such havoc on otherwise healthy relationships?

1. It makes him feel like you're mothering him, which can lead to resentment and irritation. If your mom's the nagging type, you know how annoying this is! You don't want to turn your guy into a rebellious teen.

2. It makes you feel unheard and irrelevant, especially if your repeated requests often go ignored. According to the WSJ, women are more likely to nag largely because they are conditioned to feel more responsible for managing home life. If nagging isn't making your man listen, try a different approach.

3. Arguments become about the nagging, rather than the real underlying issues, such as trust (yours) and responsibility (his). Instead of making him your enemy, see his side and help him see yours. Maybe he's overworked and stressed, or maybe you're juggling too many chores and need help. Communicate with each other!

4. Nagging can cause both parties to question the relationship and make them wary of seeing each other. Instead of being happy and looking forward to each other's company, you see the other person as a bother who just doesn't understand. That sounds toxic to me!

5. Nagging sucks the fun out of your lives together. Just imagine the amount of time and energy expended on nagging and arguing about nagging.

The Consequences
Nagging doesn’t work. Especially not in the long run. Yet many people still nag their spouse. Women, especially, are often guilty of nagging their husbands. There are some serious negative consequences of nagging that can cause marital problems.Women often nag their husbands because they feel that if they don’t, their husband won’t get things done. In reality, if you treat your husband like a child, he’ll likely act like one. If you treat him like an adult, and allow him to take on responsibility for his own behaviors, he’ll most likely act like a grown up.

Nagging doesn’t tend to yield results. How many times have you asked your spouse to do something repeatedly and the result was that the work got done and you both ended up feeling happy and satisfied? Probably not very often.

 

Nagging can actually decrease your spouse’s motivation. By the third time you ask him to do something, he’s less likely to want to do it. No one likes to be nagged.
Nagging can contribute to a lot of negative feelings. The person who is nagged often feels frustrated, angry, and resentful. The person doing the nagging often feels frustrated and exasperated. Although nagging may get something done in the short-term the negative consequences in the long-term can be a breakdown in the relationship.

Ask your spouse to do something and only ask once. Prepare yourself for the consequences of it not getting done. Depending on what it is, you might do it yourself or hire someone else to do it if it doesn’t get done. The other option is to allow for natural consequences of it not getting done. This may negatively impact your spouse but it might not. Ask yourself, how important is it for the job to get done? One year from now, will it make a big difference if it didn’t get done? If not, it may not be all that important after all. Find a time to have a conversation with your spouse when you are calm to share your feelings if you want to talk about it later.

Take the energy you’ll save when you stop nagging and devote it to offering positive reinforcement to your spouse. Compliment and praise your spouse. Increase your positive interactions and you’ll see that it increases your positive feelings and can improve the marriage.